Reasons This Book Isn’t Written Yet

I’ve been working on deAngelis since the fall of 2007. The first year or two of re-writes was acceptable – I hadn’t really developed a voice or a style yet, and then I took a class with Aaron Michael Morales, and the quality of my writing skyrocketed. So up until about the fall of 2009, I had an excuse: I wasn’t yet good enough of a writer to get the story written correctly.

For the last couple of years, though, I’ve been doing nothing but either rewriting the same scene, or procrastinating. However, there have been some things that truly have been getting in the way of me writing, and I’d just like to tell you about them so that maybe you’ll forgive me for the continual setbacks.

 

1. Bacon

No, Boyfriend, you are not allowed to make a bacon candle.

Have I mentioned that I’ve been cooking a lot more? Well, I have. And guess what: RANCH BACON BURGERS. I’m serious.

1lb (ish) of raw hamburger meat
1 pkg of dry ranch dressing mix
1 pkg of raw bacon

Mix the hamburger meat and the ranch dressing. You can try to use a spoon, but usually it’s just more efficient to do it by hand. After you’ve mixed it, throw it in a bowl and stick it in the fridge while you make bacon.

Make the bacon. Don’t pour out the grease! Instead, take the bacon out and set it aside, then pull out the hamburger meat and shape it into patties. Toss the patties in with the bacon grease and cook ‘em. When they’re done, pull ‘em out and pat some of the excess grease off with a paper towel. Stick ‘em on the buns (I like to toast the buns a little bit) and put some bacon on ‘em.

I made these two nights in a row. The first night, Boyfriend ate two. The second night, he ate FOUR.

Either they’re good, or he has a tapeworm.

 

2. Cleaning

I’ve been cleaning things! ALL THE THINGS. Except… except then things like this happen:

Doesn’t look that bad, right?

NO YOU GUYS YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND

Gross Sink is Gross

We can blame this on the people in the apartment next door, whose kitchen sink shares a pipe with this sink. Apparently nobody taught them NOT TO PUT RICE/CABBAGE/VOMIT IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. This is post-water drainage, but seriously. There is food in my sink that was NEVER IN MY KITCHEN TO BEGIN WITH. WHAT.

P.S. The maintenance guy told us and the neighbors not to run any water in the sink until another maintenance guy could come by the next day to fix the pipes. Boyfriend and I solved this COMPLETE INABILITY to do dishes after we would have cooked dinner by going out, and then later eating cookies. The neighbors decided to stay at home and eat. Fine, I don’t care. But then they washed their dishes. Do you know how I know this? BECAUSE THEIR SOAPY DISHWATER ENDED UP IN MY SINK FOR SIX HOURS.

 

3. This Game

0411111520The "13" in the title stands for "13 pounds of crack laced with Diet Coke and snorted off a magical wish-granting unicorn's butt"

OH MY GOD YOU GUYS THIS GAME

 

 

So yeah, that’s pretty much my situation. Your thoughts and prayers are appreciated; these are difficult times. Who knows if this book will ever get written?

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About Kayla Rose

Leave me alone, let me drink my tea and write my snark.

Posted on April 11, 2011, in Not Writing and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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