A Confirmed Old Marvel Spinster

Green Lantern: First Flight

Image via Wikipedia

It’s not secret – I am not a fan of DC.

I categorize comic fans into three camps: Marvel, DC, and Batman. I’ve met a lot of people who are fans of both Marvel and Batman, some people who are into DC and Batman, and a lot of people who only like one of the three. I know only one human being alive who is a fan of all things Marvel, DC, and Batman.

Although I’m wholeheartedly a Marvel girl, foraying into DC territory only with Vertigo label comics like Sandman and Fables, I will point out that wherever Marvel lacks, DC flourishes, or at least doesn’t do half-bad, and that’s especially true when it comes to my one huge complaint about Marvel: animated films.

I’ve seen a lot of Marvel’s animated stuff, and while it wasn’t necessarily bad, it was clearly meant for kids. Which is fine, I understand, but there’s a lot of adults who watch cartoons and animated stuff, too, especially in the last decade or two. I’m not quite sure where Marvel’s logic is on this one, but they’ve made it pretty clear that their animated productions will always be geared toward kids; there will be no adult-oriented animated films.

Then you’ve got DC, who produces cartoons like Batman: Brave and the Bold, a personal favorite (despite my muse’s nay-saying), Teen Titans, and Batman Beyond, which are all kid-appropriate and meant for kids, but have that edge to them that make them rewarding for adults as well (something you just cannot get from, say, Doctor Strange or the animated Iron Man or Super Hero Squad). And then you get things like Batman: Under the Red Hood, which more or less kind of blew my mind. It wasn’t perfect by any means, but I’ve watched the damn thing at least a dozen times since it was released last summer, and I still get the same thrill from it that I did the first time.

So I’m thinking, DC knows what they’re doing with their animated stuff – at least with Batman. I guess that last bit should have been a warning to me when I told Netflix to send me Green Lantern: First Flight, but somehow, my brain is still (six months later) reveling in post Red Hood euphoria.

Simply put, this is a crap film.

There is zero exposition, the characters (read: Hal Jordan) play like cardboard cutouts, and there’s too many freaking aliens. I realize that that’s the whole basis of Green Lantern (I think), but I submit to you that I was raised on Star Trek and that I do actually enjoy Star Wars, so aliens don’t usually bother me. In this case, I thought they were just overdone.

(And yes, I do know that every member of the Green Lanter Corps in this film is canon from the comics, which is why I’m going to bitch about the comic here for a minute and ask DC WHY the FUCK is there a fucking SQUIRREL serving in the BADASS SPACE POLICE. I MEAN SERIOUSLY.)

And, while there were a couple of moments that made me think, “Okay, yeah, I would not let my brothers watch this”, for the most part the entire thing was completely asinine. And the weirdo alien chick in the cantina snuggling up to Sinestro and purring a complaint about how Green Lantern uniforms had no zippers made me throw up in my mouth a little. Oh God.

Also, dear DC, please stop with the 3D on 2D animation, it just looks dumb and you’re not impressing anybody.

I thought, okay, seriously. This is Bruce Timm, Alan Burnett – I respect these guys as people who generally Know What They’re Doing. So what happened here?

And the answer is: I have no idea. I thought maybe the problem was with the source material – but I downloaded a bunch of Green Lantern comics and found, no, the exposition and back story and best of all a fucking personality are right there, in Emerald Dawn. I could have done with ten minutes less crazy alien space-chases, fighting, and tentacles and maybe have traded it in for some backstory into why Jordan comes across as such a dick, and maybe what makes him so special that he gets to be a Green Lantern. I mean, he’s got to have that extra something, even if it’s not obvious. He can’t just be this average joe, because that’s boring.

But no. Everything about his dad dying, his troubled childhood since then, his struggles with becoming a pilot – that’s all left out. There’s a brief complaint about “I wanna fly real planesssss”, but they just shrug him off. It’s like every character in the first three minutes of the film know that they’re not going to show up again in the rest of it, and they’re just providing a warm body for the scene so they can get paid and go buy more cigarettes as soon as they’re possibly able to get the heck out of there.

So, yeah. Crap film.

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About Kayla Rose

Leave me alone, let me drink my tea and write my snark.

Posted on February 9, 2011, in Movies and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. I totally agree with your categorizations. I, personally am more Marvel and Batman over DC. And when I say Batman I mean Batman comics not so much the movies (except Batman begins which, to me, was the only one that has been dead-on).
    You should watch Planet Hulk.

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